That little 1/2 indicates this is the first post of a two part…duo. Not series. Anyways. FEAR NOT. I will not make you wait for part two, it just got pretty long. Onto the matter at hand.
Saying “don’t” isn’t very popular.
And with good reason! I think we’ve all heard that kids don’t hear (haha) the word “don’t,” only the ones after it. At twenty-nine, I think that might be true for me as well. When I tell myself not to do something, it becomes an elephant in the room, sometimes. And, yet, not doing what we know we shouldn’t is important!
If you just stopped doing the things you know you shouldn’t, your life would take a completely different direction. Imagine if we stopped eating what we know makes us feel sick, if we stopped watching movies/TV that make us depressed, or if we stopped listening to music that numbs our creativity. Don’t and stop may sound negative, but they can be just as positive as adding in something new.
Removing one thing makes room for what does belong there.
That’s why, in this blog, I don’t just detail the 5 attitudes that are holding you back but the positive attitudes to incorporate in their place!
Stop judging others’ success & start hoping for the best in their lives.
“Well, you know who her dad is, right?”
“Oh, honey. That’s all fake. Didn’t you know?”
I’ve done this, minimizing some starlet’s success, because she was basically born into the business. Who hasn’t, honestly. But if you’re trying to make change in your life, this attitude is doubly unhelpful. Not only are you focusing on and giving energy to a life that you cannot change, but you are focusing on it in a negative way.
Additionally, you are discounting your own success, because of any advantages you have. And we all have advantages. Do you not deserve your degree because your parents helped you? Do you not deserve your career because you always had a proclivity for numbers? In a world of judging other peoples success, you don’t.
So give it a rest. You and I weren’t appointed judge of the world. When you see something that you think is unfair, notice but don’t dwell—certainly don’t dwell long enough to formulate a negative comments. Just go about your business and put all that thought, all that emotion, into developing your own life.
Once you’ve learned to stop judging others’ success, you can start wishing the very best for them. After that, it’s a straight shot towards thinking the same joy and happiness are possible for you. Everyone wins.
Stop being hard to impress & start looking for how people are amazing.
This was a really popular attitude in high school. To see someone who was trying, or doing something different, and immediately label it as odd. I was a on the verge of going professional in ballet, and I barely talked about it because it was off the beaten path. I have yet to learn what exactly the “beaten path” is, but I digress.
High school was the time of sarcasm and put downs and KOs that made no sense. I remember my senior year of high school in a homeschooling cohort, our history class was doing a thought-experiment for what World War III would look like. It was basically a long conversation, with lots of shouting and posturing. Don’t ask.
Anyways, I was halfway through my undergraduate degree in political science (thank you, homeschooling), and asked, “Which countries are involved?”
One of the popular guys, who I guess I’d interrupted, paused for a second, looked at me like I was stupid and said, “Um, it’s world war three. So everyone.”
The class erupted into laughter. People staring, ridiculing. Of course, I was upset, but mostly because his answer sounded clever yet was absolutely, embarrassingly bad. Both World War I and II hadn’t included every country in the world. I tried to explain that over the din, but no one heard. At the time, I was offended. Now, I just realize I was that day’s victim. Tomorrow, it was as likely to be him, because no one was going to be impressed by anything or anyone. No sir.
And this isn’t to say that I haven’t been guilty of this! I have! But I recently decided that it was just too exhausting to look for the negatives in other people. You know how they say it takes a bunch of muscles to frown but only two to smile? Or something like that? Well, I’ve decided it’s the same for finding things to be unimpressed by. It’s easier to be impressed, to nod to yourself and think, “They’re pretty cool.”
Stop telling yourself things are going to be hard & start telling yourself that you will figure it out.
Let’s go to the present moment. A lot of people are looking at school years that are unlike anything we’ve seen. And I’ve heard a lot of people saying, “This is impossible. How can we possibly do this?!”
With that attitude, we could find a way to stop doing rocket launches and that’s the truth. If everyone started believing that we could not longer go to space, it wouldn’t be long before we weren’t. The way you begin a project in your mind is crucial to its success.
But what’s behind this habitual attitude? In my case, it’s often fear. Fear that, if I really go for it, I will fail and look like a fool. Fear that, if I really go for it, the disappointment will break my own heart. It’s an explanation both to others and to myself that, if it’s going to be really hard, no one should be surprised if I fail.
But that just makes failure more likely, and more likely to stop me.
What I’ve started saying is, “This is going to work. Whatever happens, I can handle it. I have what it takes to figure this out. I was wired for struggle and complexity.” Try it! Seriously. If you’re about to do something you’re not sure about, try saying something along the lines of, “I am going to come across snags. I can also overcome them.”
See, sometimes I think the resistance and negativity stems from not fully appreciating the possibility that issues may arise. Once you do that, the tension releases, and you can start to think of how you will act when the difficulty comes. Then, even if you can’t quite believe that it will be easy, at least you can begin to believe that you have within you, everything you need to succeed.
CONTINUED IN PART TWO.
Which I won’t make you wait for. It’s right here.